I don't mind crying at stupid movies.

Sidewalk Stencil: Crying is OK here, originally uploaded by Franco Folini.

When my friend Aaron died a few months ago I didn't cry much. Ever since then I cry really easily at movies. I think it gets me because I so dont expect it. I almost cried at the preview for The Queen. When I actually went to see it, most of it really didnt get to me. But the scene with the deer. Something about that almost got me. Today I had Hary Potter and the Goblet of Fire on in the background and at the end when Cedric dies I felt my face getting red and a lump in my throat. Last night i shed a few tears when I was watching Click, CLICK!!!! Any moments when Adam Sandler was realizing how important the father son connections are in his life I got a lump in my throat. And at the end when we was yelling out for his son I cried.

The worst though was on my way back from Miami. I went to Miami with some friends of Aaron's. We went just to be together. We didnt really talk about him, and we are friends anyway, but we got together because we love him. He was there in the room the whole time if you know what I mean. On the way back they played "The Bridge to Terabithia." Right in the middle of the movie someone dies unexpectedly. Completely out of nowhere. And it was extra sad because it was someone with a lot of future ahead of them who's time was cut too short.

Well I sat there in seat 24F crying and crying for the last 40 minutes of the movie (ok, I dont actually know if it was 40 minutes but it sure felt like it). I didn't make any noise. I just cried silently and turned my head to look out the window and not watch all the dropped shoulders and frowns.

I'm glad it comes out sometimes. I know it's in there.

Oh yea, and I saw Shrek 3 tonight. Nobody died.

Lost and Overwhelmed

I gotta go back, originally uploaded by Zack Sheppard.

2/1/07
I've been doing good, but today I feel like I'm going to puke.

I had a hard week last week. One of my best friends died. That is why I have been MIA on the Inkernets. Just like your body pulls blood into your core when you are cold to keep your vital organs warm, I have pulled close to my close friends to keep warm.

My mind is a jumble. I am sad he is gone. Happy to see how much he affected people and how highly people thought of him. Worried about those he left behind.

This is just the kind of thing that I would normally go to Aaron with. He and I were alike enough that when we talked, even when we didn't say it right, we trusted that the other knew what we meant. A rare gift in a friend or family member.

An example (that meant a lot to me):

I have always been able to get along with lots of different people very well and my ultimate dream is to get whatever that is that I think is special/different/whatever out to the world in a book. I rarely tell people this because it sounds so damn silly, even to those who know me. I remember everything about when I told Aaron because, the look on his face, and the way he said, "You gotta DO that!"

I knew he really believed in me and saw what I see in myself more than my family, more than girls that had loved me, more than anyone I had ever told that too. I decided right there that I would dedicate the book to him.

And Im not going to tell you "that is even more true now that he is gone" or some shit. My book will be dedicated to Aaron Guilbert because of the person he was, pure and simple. He does not need death to deserve memorium.

I love you and miss you Aaron, and I will probably talk about you again here.

(Aaron took the shot above)

TaaAAake me, to the magic of the moment,

On a glooory night
(a GLORY night~a!)

Where the childern of tomorrow dream awaaayy,
in the wind of change...

So two weeks ago my old friend AG stayed with me for a few days before he moved out of town for good. I haven't really been drinking anymore but I only had a few nights with AG so we had a few together. On the second night he was there, a mysterious stranger dropped of a CD of the Scorpions "Crazy World" album featuring Winds of Change.

AG and I sang it a couple times. Then my brother called to tell us he got to shot a 50 cal. sniper rifle that day (and it was awesome) so we sang him Winds of Change.

Then we called AG's brother, D Double Bad Ass Dan, to tell him that my brother got to shoot a 50 cal sniper rifle. We talked about how fast the bullet flies, what company probably made it, decided that it was bad ass, and we all sang Winds of Change.

Then AG and I watched Transformers the Movie while drinking a couple beers and flipping our knives open.

Repeatedly.